god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
