Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
