ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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