At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
