i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
