i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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