3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
