I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
