dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
