you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
