last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
