like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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