her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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