you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
