Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
