just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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