I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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