hotel room ftw
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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