Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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