While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
