did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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