You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
