I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
