then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
