didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
