i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
