you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
