I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
