The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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