apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
