can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
