sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
