remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
