i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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