we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
