Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
