he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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