Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
