I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
