I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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