dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
