My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am naked and annoyed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
