I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
