She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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