"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
