I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
