i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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