I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
