No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
