It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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